4 Things Every Vancouver Geek Needs to Survive the Big Earthquake

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Don't Cancel Your Plans: Stock Up On These Items!

by Mel Dawn

Vancouverites barely survived their last earthquake in January 2016. Coffee was spilled, donuts were squashed, and worst of all, the patio furniture was askew. 

Californianites could give some tips to Vancouverites about how to survive the big one. For now, they'll just have to be happy with these geeky tips on how to survive the big earthquake. 

1. Sonic Screwdriver

You don't need just any old Doctor's screwdriver, you need River Song's sonic screwdriver. "Sweetie, it'll get you out of a pickle in no time," she would say.  

2. Police Public Call Box AKA The TARDIS

At the first sign of trouble, head to your nearest Police Public Call Box. Here you can hang out while you wait for the police to arrive. But if you live in most cities, that never happens, so your next best step is to call the Doctor. 







3. Fancy Drinks. 

Guinan in Star Trek would serve up the most amazing drinks in her Ten Forward bar. Follow suit by mixing up your very own. After all, if you don't, chances are those bottles are going to break and make a mess all over the floor. What a waste!

4. The Sanctuary

In the television series, the Sanctuary was a vast underground lair where the supernatural creatures of the Earth could hide from nefarious scientists who only wanted to tear them apart for study. It would also make a great spot to hide. 

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The Devastating Effects of the Vancouver 2015 Earthquake

The Odds Are Against You Being Born a Human in Canada

Steampunk Kitty Poem by Mel Dawn

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Navis Salubris – Chapter Five – Sam by Mel Dawn

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Navis Salubris Serialized Short Stories

by Mel Dawn

In our last chapter we were introduced to Riitta, who had been a politician running for the Prime Minister of Sweden. Besides the fact that the great zombie apocalypse was happening, Riitta had turned into a zombie. She received a ticket at the last possible moment. 

Just what are these tickets that our four new friends have acquired? Since it’s the end of the world, are they for heaven… or hell?

Let’s meet our fifth and final player in this zombie game.

Dr. Sam from Nigeria

Sam worked for Doctors Without Borders in Nigeria. He found it quite rewarding to help people with basic medical care that would save their lives—medical care that was taken for granted in the Western world. But after the latest bout of ebola, he was ready to call it quits. 

Sam was going through a long period of depression that last for weeks. His fellow colleagues were helpless—they had their own worries in ensuring that sanitation procedures were met so they didn’t get the virus—and there were no guarantees with that either. Sam tried to reach out to many, but found that they were suffering their own nightmares as well.

It was the end of a long twelve hour shift and he had stolen the key to the medicine cabinet. It was 4 am and there was no one around, except dying patients in the next room. They wouldn’t object to him raiding the cabinet.

He wasn’t disturbed as he closed the door behind him and unlocked the cabinet. There were so many options, but he was seeking a drug that would make it quick. He was tired of suffering.

He tossed some syringes in his pocket and pushed aside several glass bottles. He found what he was looking for in the back. He grabbed the bottle and tossed it into his pocket. He locked up and headed to the door.

There was a scratching noise at the door, so he stopped to listen. An envelope was pushed under the door, and then footsteps walked away. 

Sam knelt down to pick up the envelope. He read the words on the front, and then tore it open. 

“A ticket,” he mumbled to himself, as he pulled out the slim piece of paper. 

Next... Chapter Six – Abdul. 

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If you enjoyed this story, please Like and Follow me on Facebook & Twitter.

You may be interested in these other chapters:

Navis Salubris – Chapter One – Nell
Navis Salubris – Chapter Two – Abdul
Navis Salubris – Chapter Three – Wei

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please learn more here.

Navis Salubris – Chapter Four – Riitta

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Navis Salubris Serialized Short Stories

by Mel Dawn

We’ve met our three previous characters, and have two more left to meet. They were each carrying on what was anything but a normal day—Abdul was fighting a war in Iraq until he realized he should be fighting for the human side—Nell suffered from an illness and was confined to home until the zombies broke in—and Wei was a young girl trying to avoid the zombies at a market in China. Each has been presented with a ticket—but what type of ticket do you send to five people who are experiencing the end of the world? Let’s see if Riitta and Sam receive a ticket too.

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Riitta of Sweden

Riitta had been running for the Prime Minister of Sweden until zombies had taken over the small town of Trosa, where her parents lived. One by one her family had succumbed to the zombie plague, but the first thing Riitta learnt was that that was no guarantee that one would continue living. One by one she watched as her parents succumbed to the illness, and then her younger sister and brother. 

But instead of them turning into a family of zombies, they each disintegrated before her eyes. What was giving life to the zombies banging outside their doors and windows was not what would give them life. 

Riitta was doing her best to shovel dirt over their graves in the back yard, when she heard a zombie coming up behind her. She tensed and raised the shovel into the air. It was not the first time that she had to knock the head off a zombie. 

The zombie tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to drop the shovel. Since when were zombies civilized? She whirled around to confront him.

This zombie was male, and besides his distinctive glowing blue eyes, he was in relatively good condition for a dead person. He lifted his right hand and held something out to her.

“I don’t want any trouble,” she said to him in Swedish. 

The zombie mumbled a reply in turn. He nodded to the envelope, asking her to take it.

Riitta took it from his hands and watched as he turned and left the yard. How strange. They didn’t do that normally, did they?

She tore open the envelope. Inside was a ticket. She smiled, but had difficulty, as the flesh on her face was toughening up and turning black. Even though her eyes were glowing blue, she could still read the instructions on the ticket. 

Next... Chapter Five – Sam.

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If you enjoyed this story, please Like and Follow me on Facebook & Twitter.

You may be interested in these other chapters:

Navis Salubris – Chapter One – Nell
Navis Salubris – Chapter Two – Abdul
Navis Salubris – Chapter Three – Wei

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please learn more here.

STUPID CLICKBAIT ARTICLES PEOPLE FALL FOR EVERY TIME

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You Know You Want to Click!

by Mel Dawn

I’m going to write humorous blog posts until 2016 catches up to me. Here are 10 clickbait articles that people fall for every time. These are just for fun—they don’t actually lead anywhere. File it all under “BAD HUMOUR”. 

1. THIS CAT FLEW TO THE TOP OF THE EIFFEL TOWER—WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT SHE DOES NEXT!

Well, the authorities were called, and the owners fined for letting her off her leash. But don’t worry, no kitties were harmed in the creation of this silly story.

2. HOW TO LOSE 100 POUNDS IN 10 DAYS.

100% guaranteed weight loss program after you’ve been eaten by a zombie.

3. HE SHOOTS… HE SCORES… NOW HE’S IN REHAB.

Same old story, different name.

4. HE SMUGGLES A GUN ONTO THE PLANE IN HIS… WAIT FOR IT…

Pants? Ears? Shoes? Someone tell me—why won’t anyone tell me how this ends?!

5. KIM CARDHASHIAN GETS MARRIED FOR THE 6TH TIME.

And still, no one cares. 

6. DONALD TRUMP MAKES AN INTELLIGENT SPEECH.

It’s got to happen at least once, right?

7. WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT THIS HOMELESS PERSON DOES WITH A BOX AND CEDAR LEAVES.

Well, if you actually did see what he did, you might actually raise awareness so he doesn’t have to live on the street anymore. (What do you mean this isn’t funny? Of course it’s not funny.)

8. BABY JESUS STATUE WINKS AT STUDENTS… NOW THEY DRESS LIKE HIM.

Let’s hope he was wearing more than a diaper when he winked at them.

9. WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT THIS MAN DOES WITH A SPOON, A TIRE, AND A DIET COKE.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

10. HOW TO WRITE STUPID CLICKBAIT ARTICLES.

With one bottle of wine, a case of beer, and a questionable substance in a plastic baggie. 

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If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Follow me on Facebook & Twitter.

You may be interested in these other stories:

The Smart Things That Cats Say

The Odds Are Against You Being Born a Human in Canada

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The Devastating Effects of the Vancouver 2015 Earthquake

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4.3 Earthquake 
on December 30, 2015

by Mel Dawn

Vancouverites everywhere are recovering from the effects of the 4.3 earthquake from last night. They were enjoying one of the first peaceful nights since Christmas when a hard jolt shook them awake.

It's unknown how long it will take Vancouverites to recover, and clean up the mess, but one thing's certain, they're tough and as resilient as the hockey they enjoy.

Oh no, not the Timmy's drink!

It's hard to tell if it was like this before or after the earthquake.

There goes one fine glass of whine.

***~***

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Follow me on Facebook & Twitter.

You may be interested in these other stories:

The Smart Things That Cats Say

The Odds Are Against You Being Born a Human in Canada

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please learn more here.

Horoscope for the Taurus Cat

Most compatible sign: Gemini owner.
Features of your Taurus Cat: Taurus cats are broad chested, with a fluffy mane of fur. Your Taurus cat is loyal and deeply bonds with you. She is loyal to one owner, but the other hoomins are her friends. You're her entertainment value. She'll spend a bit too much time lolling around, and not so much at playing. She loves to cuddle, and be brushed, and have her tummy rubbed. She's not easy to anger, but when she does she'll draw blood. She loves having company, and will hang out with your friends. She is suscetible to liver disease. Her demeanour is chatty, and she is set on routine. She'll learn a variety of tricks, and try to please her human. She can be stubborn, but she can also be patient when the human has to give her medicine. She's happy indoors, and will be pleased staring out the window, when she's not staring at you. Her staring may be a bit creepy at times, particularly when it's done from around the door in the middle of the night. A Taurus cat can be the perfect companion to a human who needs some attention.

2015 Horoscope: Your cat has had a rough year, but with the impending fall weather, your cat will perk up and start getting stronger. She'll become more vocal and active. You may have been worried about Christmas, but your cat is going to be ready for it, and may even knock a few balls off the tree this year.

Navis Salubris – Chapter Three – Wei

Navis Salubris – Chapter Three – Wei

by Mel Dawn

Wei survived the zombie apocalypse by hiding in tiny crawl spaces that an adult could never reach. Or a zombie for that matter. 

Currently her tiny figure hid under some shrubbery, hiding from the swooshing, squishing noises that were coming her way. She pushed back against the bushes, trying to make herself as small as possible. She stopped when the fence blocked her from moving further. 

She jumped a bit when the fence creaked. But the zombies stomping by didn’t take notice, as they were making their own sounds. The zombies comprised a large  population in Shanghai, China. There had been a gazillion humans, so it stood to reason that there were now a gazillion zombies.

Wei hadn’t seen a human being for over three months now. She wasn’t concerned that there was such a huge crowd of zombies, as she was used to staying motionless for hours at a time. She had a few supplies in her backpack, in case she got hungry or thirsty. Many times she would just fall into a slumber and wait for the zombies to pass. 

One time two zombies did see her hidden, and headed her way. They tried to reach into her space, but she was too far back for them to get in. Eventually, they heard other sounds behind them, and soon turned to investigate.

She lived off mostly packaged food from the local markets and braved the overwhelming stench of animal carcasses that hung from the rafters. She would toss aside soy flour, not knowing what to do with it. Fortunately, there were plenty of nuts and dried fruit to be found. She missed the taste of rice but setting up a fire to cook it would draw the zombies to her. She hadn’t had a hot cooked meal for months now.

Wei decided to leave her crawl space after the zombies had passed. She headed down an alley as she saw the sign of another fruit and vegetable market, that may have something different that she could eat. She was tired of eating the same old things. She noticed as she stepped foot in the market that she heard groaning noises coming from behind her. 

She was going to duck further into the market, when she realized that the zombie sounds were actually coming from inside. The zombies soon caught up with her. She had nowhere to run. She looked around while looking for a weapon but all she saw were rotting bananas and bags of rice. 

Just as the zombies were circling her, she felt something touch her head. She brushed it away, thinking it was cobwebs from the ceiling. A red envelope slowly floated into her arms. She grabbed it and looked at it, taking a break from the zombies that were almost within her reach. 

“What the hell,” she said in Mandarin and tore open the envelope. Inside was a cruise ticket. 

Next... Chapter Four – Ritta.